What do you say to a friend with cancer?

This is not a blog where I tell you what to say.

This is a blog where I ask, "What do you say?" My dear friend has stage 4 Melanoma. She has 3 children and a father dying of cancer and a brother that recently died of cancer.

I want to be positive. To tell her I know God can do anything and I do believe that. But, I also want her to be comfortable telling me as much or as little as she wants about being scared, having moments she is not hopeful or even days/weeks. Having a place to vent. This precious amazing girl worries she will seem lazy if she rest because we live in this world so fast paced we see resting as negative sometimes verses a form of medicine the body needs!

She worries about losing her hair and gaining weight because these things make us feel beautiful, worth, loved, the person the see in the mirror and recognize. I am sure losing your hair and physical signs of the disease also are just constant reminders of the battle. When you look the same physically there is always my favorite place-denial.

In fact part of me does not even want to call my friend. How awful is that! But, she lives in another state and I want to just forget she has cancer and live in denial and think she is at home well having the fantastic life she should have. Calling her I am reminded, this is serious! But, what I would not give to be able to call my own father again. I know if she is taken from us I would regret that I did not embrace and cherish each opportunity to talk with her.

I also feel that maybe others feel this way because she calls me back when I say you do not have to-- and talks at length-which I am thankful for-but feel she must not be telling all of this to many people because she has so much going on. Or maybe she is and is hoping for just one person to say what she needs to hear. I want to be that person. I want to say something that will get her through this.

Then there are people who have told her if her faith is strong enough she will be healed. Are these people off their rocker? God promises us healing but that is often the ultimate healing-healing from this world and an eternal life with Him. I was guilty of comments similar to this once. My mother was healed of breast cancer when she had 6 months to live. Now, it has been 12 years! Praise God! Right after that I thought- you just have to ask!!! I still believe we need to ask for healing and believe it is possible-but we just do not know why God heals some and takes others.

I have been dealing with a lot of frustration lately from people I adore. When I talk to this friend with cancer I am reminded just how trivial my anger issues really are. Well, at least till I hit another bump in the road.

I just am so sadden that a sweet, wonderful, loving, godly woman is having to fight this disease with all she has when Bin Laudin who has spent so much more time in the sun than my friend is probably in a cave somewhere plotting evil and and cancer free.

I bought my friend a t-shirt that says it all "Cancer Sucks!"

Amen
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